Well I am back again with more wanderings of my fantastic mind!
Today I actually smiled a real smile, I haven't smiled properly for as long as I can remember, its so easy to put a fake one on the face and hide the inner feelings so that no-one knows what is really happening. All people see is what you want them to. But I smiled and it felt good, I dont even know what I was smiling at but who cares, its such a big step to have a genuine smile. Hopefully I will do the same tomorrow but if I dont then I will not worry as just smiling today is a step in the right direction and eventually I am on my way back to that bright sparkly person that everyone knows.
I also managed to cry a bit today too. Yes I know that over the last few months I have done a lot of crying but this was the sort that when you watch a sad film and it brings tears to your eyes cry, most women and quite a lot of men will know what I mean. Usually I dont have any idea why I am crying, I just do and it is a horrid feeling as when you burst into tears in front of someone as they always expect you to have a reason, when you say you dont have any idea why you are crying they tend to look at you as though you are strange or lying, after all tears have to have a reason dont they? I suppose deep down there is a reason there and one day I will find it but for now its not somewhere I need to go, at least I dont think so, maybe its just that I am not ready to take that step yet, possibly one day I will be but lets cross that bridge when I come to it.
Another thing I have realised today is that my confidence is on the way back, it has to be or I wouldnt be writing this and I definately wouldnt be publishing it. Now this is a major step, I am usually so private with my feelings as I was raised with the attitude of the 'stiff upper lip' and you don't let strangers in on your business. But here I am. laying my life bare for all to see, I suppose its because its easier to write than speak, something to do with comfort zones and being inside or outside them, well writing is inside mine but if anyone was to say something to me about this blog I think I would be so embarrassed, especially at the moment. That being said I suppose, no I know that I would be pleased to know it was being acknowledged. Oh my goodness I am being so brave!!
Today I actually smiled a real smile, I haven't smiled properly for as long as I can remember, its so easy to put a fake one on the face and hide the inner feelings so that no-one knows what is really happening. All people see is what you want them to. But I smiled and it felt good, I dont even know what I was smiling at but who cares, its such a big step to have a genuine smile. Hopefully I will do the same tomorrow but if I dont then I will not worry as just smiling today is a step in the right direction and eventually I am on my way back to that bright sparkly person that everyone knows.
I also managed to cry a bit today too. Yes I know that over the last few months I have done a lot of crying but this was the sort that when you watch a sad film and it brings tears to your eyes cry, most women and quite a lot of men will know what I mean. Usually I dont have any idea why I am crying, I just do and it is a horrid feeling as when you burst into tears in front of someone as they always expect you to have a reason, when you say you dont have any idea why you are crying they tend to look at you as though you are strange or lying, after all tears have to have a reason dont they? I suppose deep down there is a reason there and one day I will find it but for now its not somewhere I need to go, at least I dont think so, maybe its just that I am not ready to take that step yet, possibly one day I will be but lets cross that bridge when I come to it.
Another thing I have realised today is that my confidence is on the way back, it has to be or I wouldnt be writing this and I definately wouldnt be publishing it. Now this is a major step, I am usually so private with my feelings as I was raised with the attitude of the 'stiff upper lip' and you don't let strangers in on your business. But here I am. laying my life bare for all to see, I suppose its because its easier to write than speak, something to do with comfort zones and being inside or outside them, well writing is inside mine but if anyone was to say something to me about this blog I think I would be so embarrassed, especially at the moment. That being said I suppose, no I know that I would be pleased to know it was being acknowledged. Oh my goodness I am being so brave!!
RSS Feed