Omg, cant believe its two weeks since I last updated, anyway I am here and writing so read on if you wish.
I havent done any dog walking recently due to some illness in the family, I have been helping there on a Saturday instead, after all family is important. That being said, Saturday just gone I had some time to myself and went to visit with a friend who lives on the coast, wow, did time pass whilst I was there too, I no sooner seemed to get there then I was on my way home again even though it was almost 5 hours later! It was great seeing her again, especially as we havent seen each other for about twenty years. You know what its like, life moves on, people move house and eventually you lose contact, never mind, we are back together again and taking the world by storm.
Mentally I havent quite worked out how I am feeling at the moment. I do seem to be coping better with most things but can still burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I seem to be getting a bit of my moodiness back too as I can snap really easy at people, especially family. I dont mean to, it just happens and I dont always realise that I have snapped until later but hey ho, its all part of the healing process I guess, learning how to control my feelings. It will all come back with time, just need a little patience and stop beating myself up for things that are beyond my control at the moment.
One thing that does concern me though is that people will think I am completely ok now. I am not saying that I want treating with kid gloves or any special treatment as that is not what I am about but sometimes I do notice that people forget that I am still suffering with depression and although I do put on a mask that says I can deal, secretly inside that is not the case, inside I do still hurt, I am still afraid, I do find it hard to do the things that at one time I would have considered 'normal'. Its all still there I am just covering it all up well to the outside world. I doubt if I will ever get completely rid of those feelings of insecurity but one day I will be able to live with them a lot better. After all, it was only a few weeks ago that I couldnt even go out of the house on my own, and a few weeks before that I couldnt speak to anyone so I have to give it time. Whats that saying: 'Everything comes to those that wait' guess that applies to me.
I havent done any dog walking recently due to some illness in the family, I have been helping there on a Saturday instead, after all family is important. That being said, Saturday just gone I had some time to myself and went to visit with a friend who lives on the coast, wow, did time pass whilst I was there too, I no sooner seemed to get there then I was on my way home again even though it was almost 5 hours later! It was great seeing her again, especially as we havent seen each other for about twenty years. You know what its like, life moves on, people move house and eventually you lose contact, never mind, we are back together again and taking the world by storm.
Mentally I havent quite worked out how I am feeling at the moment. I do seem to be coping better with most things but can still burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I seem to be getting a bit of my moodiness back too as I can snap really easy at people, especially family. I dont mean to, it just happens and I dont always realise that I have snapped until later but hey ho, its all part of the healing process I guess, learning how to control my feelings. It will all come back with time, just need a little patience and stop beating myself up for things that are beyond my control at the moment.
One thing that does concern me though is that people will think I am completely ok now. I am not saying that I want treating with kid gloves or any special treatment as that is not what I am about but sometimes I do notice that people forget that I am still suffering with depression and although I do put on a mask that says I can deal, secretly inside that is not the case, inside I do still hurt, I am still afraid, I do find it hard to do the things that at one time I would have considered 'normal'. Its all still there I am just covering it all up well to the outside world. I doubt if I will ever get completely rid of those feelings of insecurity but one day I will be able to live with them a lot better. After all, it was only a few weeks ago that I couldnt even go out of the house on my own, and a few weeks before that I couldnt speak to anyone so I have to give it time. Whats that saying: 'Everything comes to those that wait' guess that applies to me.