Well what a day so far!!!!
I am exhausted, I decided last night that I would push myself today and make an attempt at going to the gym, first time in ages and I am putting so much weight on its unbelievable. Anyway, the decision was made and off to bed I trot. Did I sleep? Dont be silly, spent most of the night worrying about how I was going to cope with today as not only was I going to the gym but I have an appointment with the nurse at my new doctors and I have arranged to go to a spiritual healing class tonight. Maybe deciding on the gym was just a step too far but hey ho. Anyway, I got up just before 7 am, let Ian know what I had decided then proceeded to sit on the settee and shake. I cant believe how my confidence has taken such a knock. At one time I wouldnt have thought twice about going anywhere or doing something, I would have just got on with it but now its like every little thing is such hard work. All I seem to want to do is hide away on the sofa with something to eat and this is not good, not only does it make me put weight on but it prevents me from getting better. The best of it is, I know all this I just have to convince myself of it.
Anyway, back to the story, as I said I sat on the sofa shaking, in the end it took me until 1pm to finally get up the courage to go. I went on my bike, cried most of the way there, and then instead of going into the gym I took Ians advice and just went to the building as a first step in going back. I did however take it one step further and actually walk inside to ask at the reception for the best time to go when it is quiet. She must have wondered what was going on as I was stood there with tears rolling down my face but I did it, I went inside the building. The next step now is to get inside the gym itself. I know once I have been for the first time it will get easier, its just giving myself that push I need to get there. It doesnt matter if I cry as I proved today, I can still do things even through the tears.
The next challenge for today is visiting the nurse, this shouldnt be too bad though as it will be a one to one situation so I dont have to worry about being amongst people.
After that there is the class tonight but I am not too worried about that as I will not be on my own and I already know a few people that go so all being well it should be ok, if not then I will just come home but I will try to stay.
This is so exhausting feeling this way, you cant believe how tired it makes you feel, I suppose its something to do with the fact that my brain never seems to switch off, theres always thoughts running around in there and the more I try to relax the more I think about things, its a never ending circle at the moment, hopefully by getting back to the gym it will help me with this too as all my energy will need to be focussed on getting through the session. That reminds me, I need to sort some music out too. I do find that music is a good release at times, maybe thats why I sing a lot when I am not depressed, maybe I should try singing whilst I am, it could give me a lift, after all, whats the expression, if music be the food of love, play on!!!!!
I am exhausted, I decided last night that I would push myself today and make an attempt at going to the gym, first time in ages and I am putting so much weight on its unbelievable. Anyway, the decision was made and off to bed I trot. Did I sleep? Dont be silly, spent most of the night worrying about how I was going to cope with today as not only was I going to the gym but I have an appointment with the nurse at my new doctors and I have arranged to go to a spiritual healing class tonight. Maybe deciding on the gym was just a step too far but hey ho. Anyway, I got up just before 7 am, let Ian know what I had decided then proceeded to sit on the settee and shake. I cant believe how my confidence has taken such a knock. At one time I wouldnt have thought twice about going anywhere or doing something, I would have just got on with it but now its like every little thing is such hard work. All I seem to want to do is hide away on the sofa with something to eat and this is not good, not only does it make me put weight on but it prevents me from getting better. The best of it is, I know all this I just have to convince myself of it.
Anyway, back to the story, as I said I sat on the sofa shaking, in the end it took me until 1pm to finally get up the courage to go. I went on my bike, cried most of the way there, and then instead of going into the gym I took Ians advice and just went to the building as a first step in going back. I did however take it one step further and actually walk inside to ask at the reception for the best time to go when it is quiet. She must have wondered what was going on as I was stood there with tears rolling down my face but I did it, I went inside the building. The next step now is to get inside the gym itself. I know once I have been for the first time it will get easier, its just giving myself that push I need to get there. It doesnt matter if I cry as I proved today, I can still do things even through the tears.
The next challenge for today is visiting the nurse, this shouldnt be too bad though as it will be a one to one situation so I dont have to worry about being amongst people.
After that there is the class tonight but I am not too worried about that as I will not be on my own and I already know a few people that go so all being well it should be ok, if not then I will just come home but I will try to stay.
This is so exhausting feeling this way, you cant believe how tired it makes you feel, I suppose its something to do with the fact that my brain never seems to switch off, theres always thoughts running around in there and the more I try to relax the more I think about things, its a never ending circle at the moment, hopefully by getting back to the gym it will help me with this too as all my energy will need to be focussed on getting through the session. That reminds me, I need to sort some music out too. I do find that music is a good release at times, maybe thats why I sing a lot when I am not depressed, maybe I should try singing whilst I am, it could give me a lift, after all, whats the expression, if music be the food of love, play on!!!!!