Hello again, time to do a bit of updating on my site.
I am not really sure what to write at the moment which is really funny as I have had all sorts of things that have come into my mind and I wanted to put on here as they seemed like really good ideas at the time. Never mind, I am sure they will come to me now I have started to type, they usually do, until then you will have to excuse me if I start to ramble........
Oh yeah, I went to see my councillor yesterday. I went on the bus (second time since I started going) and, due to it being early in the morning rush hour what a great achievement. It was also a very productive session and I came out feeling a lot more confident than I have in a while, I didnt even get embarrassed when he was reading my blog in front of me (I thought I would but looking at it logically he was only reading what I have told him already so wheres the problem)!
One thing that I have decided on is thinking more positive, that is one thing that he has been trying to get me to do but up until yesterday it wasnt really happening. Anyway, I have decided that when I write on here then I will make everything as positive as I can, that way it will get me into a positive way of thinking whilst writing and this will spill over into my ordinary life too.
I do know my confidence is coming back as I have started to walk tall again, ok so my shoulders are still keeping my ears warm but even they will come down as I relax. At my worst I lost about 2 inches in height.
I managed to laugh tonight too, I watched dance for red nose day or whatever it is called and found myself laughing at one or two of the acts, not all of them but again it is a good start. I even find as I am writing that I want to put some funny remarks on paper although I am not sure if I can quite get the wording correct so that people understand what I mean, I will give it a go though if I get any more urges.
One thing I do make myself do now is stop and take a breath when I start talking too fast. I have found this really helps as it puts me back in control of what I am saying and I dont trip over my words as much. Nice trick if you have this problem.
And, I havent cried since Thursday, even when I rang work yesterday to tell my manager that I wanted to postpone a meeting on Wednesday as I am not quite up to it yet, I managed to keep the confident sound in my voice, by sounding confident, people around you are confident back and you start to feel it, another good trick if you can get the hang of it and it seems to be working. My manager even commented on how I sounded that I didnt have that edginess that I used to have.
I have set myself a plan up so that I can definately make it back to work at the end of this sick note, I just have to remember not to run before I can walk as I want to be able to return and not run the risk of going downhill again within a few weeks like I have in the past. This again is obtainable as I have my support system in place now. These consist of my family, friends, councilling, medication and my blog.
I even sang a song earlier, what a change, me singing, mind you I must admit, this is one part that I think Ian would rather I didnt get back due to him being tone deaf!! Talking of Ian, he knows how much I love my music and when I got up one morning earlier in the week he had made me up some cd's of my favourite music, how nice is that, its those little things that show you they care. I have also started having conversations with my son again, as I was getting more and more down I think he gave up as everytime he tried to speak I would just snap or ignore him and then complain to his dad that he was always having a go at me. Thats not the case any more, we actually have conversations again.
I am even managing to alter a knitting pattern for a jumper that I am knitting for one of the granddogs so my problem solving is definately on the increase, that being said my councillor had already told me this but I wouldnt believe him, I had to work it out for myself, theres the control creeping in again woo hoo
I am not really sure what to write at the moment which is really funny as I have had all sorts of things that have come into my mind and I wanted to put on here as they seemed like really good ideas at the time. Never mind, I am sure they will come to me now I have started to type, they usually do, until then you will have to excuse me if I start to ramble........
Oh yeah, I went to see my councillor yesterday. I went on the bus (second time since I started going) and, due to it being early in the morning rush hour what a great achievement. It was also a very productive session and I came out feeling a lot more confident than I have in a while, I didnt even get embarrassed when he was reading my blog in front of me (I thought I would but looking at it logically he was only reading what I have told him already so wheres the problem)!
One thing that I have decided on is thinking more positive, that is one thing that he has been trying to get me to do but up until yesterday it wasnt really happening. Anyway, I have decided that when I write on here then I will make everything as positive as I can, that way it will get me into a positive way of thinking whilst writing and this will spill over into my ordinary life too.
I do know my confidence is coming back as I have started to walk tall again, ok so my shoulders are still keeping my ears warm but even they will come down as I relax. At my worst I lost about 2 inches in height.
I managed to laugh tonight too, I watched dance for red nose day or whatever it is called and found myself laughing at one or two of the acts, not all of them but again it is a good start. I even find as I am writing that I want to put some funny remarks on paper although I am not sure if I can quite get the wording correct so that people understand what I mean, I will give it a go though if I get any more urges.
One thing I do make myself do now is stop and take a breath when I start talking too fast. I have found this really helps as it puts me back in control of what I am saying and I dont trip over my words as much. Nice trick if you have this problem.
And, I havent cried since Thursday, even when I rang work yesterday to tell my manager that I wanted to postpone a meeting on Wednesday as I am not quite up to it yet, I managed to keep the confident sound in my voice, by sounding confident, people around you are confident back and you start to feel it, another good trick if you can get the hang of it and it seems to be working. My manager even commented on how I sounded that I didnt have that edginess that I used to have.
I have set myself a plan up so that I can definately make it back to work at the end of this sick note, I just have to remember not to run before I can walk as I want to be able to return and not run the risk of going downhill again within a few weeks like I have in the past. This again is obtainable as I have my support system in place now. These consist of my family, friends, councilling, medication and my blog.
I even sang a song earlier, what a change, me singing, mind you I must admit, this is one part that I think Ian would rather I didnt get back due to him being tone deaf!! Talking of Ian, he knows how much I love my music and when I got up one morning earlier in the week he had made me up some cd's of my favourite music, how nice is that, its those little things that show you they care. I have also started having conversations with my son again, as I was getting more and more down I think he gave up as everytime he tried to speak I would just snap or ignore him and then complain to his dad that he was always having a go at me. Thats not the case any more, we actually have conversations again.
I am even managing to alter a knitting pattern for a jumper that I am knitting for one of the granddogs so my problem solving is definately on the increase, that being said my councillor had already told me this but I wouldnt believe him, I had to work it out for myself, theres the control creeping in again woo hoo