Its a strange old world I live in, never knowing how I am going to feel, nothing is constant, in one day I go through every emotion possible or at least thats the way it feels. take today for example, waking up I felt fine, a cup of coffee later I wanted to cry, an hour later I couldnt sit still, yet another hour and I was on a high, then I was exhausted and needed a nap, now I want to cry but at the same time I feel ok, talk about mixed up!!!!!
I never seem to be able to get on an even keel for longer than an hour or so, that being said, a few weeks ago I would never have been either feeling ok or on a high for more than a few minutes so looking on the positive side things are taking longer to change..
I can understand why I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last few days. I had to go to work on Friday to see their doctor with me being off work for so long. It was the first time I have been to work and Ian not waited for me in the car park, he had decided to go to his parents for a cuppa whilst I was there, this put me on edge a bit but I got through it, then the doctor was a couple of minutes late, not long I know but for me it seemed like forever. I had to ring Ian to calm me down as if I hadnt I would have just walked out, especially if I had waited any longer. I didnt enjoy (if thats the right word to use) seeing him either, its so invasive and what good is it going to do as he cannot be of any help as he only knows what you tell him, he doesnt have your records and I wouldnt feel comfortable any way if he did offer any kind of help, By the time I came out of the room though I was laughing as I was relieved that it was all over and I could meet Ian and go home.
One thing I did do though on Friday, and I am so proud of myself for this, I walked through the main building , I had to ask my team leader to meet me at the back entrance and walk with me to the reception area where I left but who cares, we even stood talking for a while as people where passing in the corridor, and as I left I told her that I would make sure next time that I would pop into the office itself. How brave was I!!!!!!!! I must admit that I am actually looking forward to it too as it means that I am definately going in the right direction.
Saturday was quite a good day looking back, I managed to find enough energy to clean upstairs and change the sheets in the morning, now this is more like me, getting up and just getting on with things.
I had to laugh also as my sons girlfriend texted me about her cooking steak for us all for tea which was fine, only thing was, I had to do the shopping and get everything in, never mind, at least I didnt have to cook (or so I thought), ended up showing her how to use my potato peeler and cut potatoes, in the end we agreed that she would do the mash and I would cook the steak, and what a nice meal it was after our joint effort. Why am I telling you this? Because a few weeks ago it would have been virtually impossible for me to do all this ion one day and chat away and laugh at the same time. So as you see, and I am saying this to myself so that I will finally believe it, things are getting better and the good times are appearing more and more .
I never seem to be able to get on an even keel for longer than an hour or so, that being said, a few weeks ago I would never have been either feeling ok or on a high for more than a few minutes so looking on the positive side things are taking longer to change..
I can understand why I have been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last few days. I had to go to work on Friday to see their doctor with me being off work for so long. It was the first time I have been to work and Ian not waited for me in the car park, he had decided to go to his parents for a cuppa whilst I was there, this put me on edge a bit but I got through it, then the doctor was a couple of minutes late, not long I know but for me it seemed like forever. I had to ring Ian to calm me down as if I hadnt I would have just walked out, especially if I had waited any longer. I didnt enjoy (if thats the right word to use) seeing him either, its so invasive and what good is it going to do as he cannot be of any help as he only knows what you tell him, he doesnt have your records and I wouldnt feel comfortable any way if he did offer any kind of help, By the time I came out of the room though I was laughing as I was relieved that it was all over and I could meet Ian and go home.
One thing I did do though on Friday, and I am so proud of myself for this, I walked through the main building , I had to ask my team leader to meet me at the back entrance and walk with me to the reception area where I left but who cares, we even stood talking for a while as people where passing in the corridor, and as I left I told her that I would make sure next time that I would pop into the office itself. How brave was I!!!!!!!! I must admit that I am actually looking forward to it too as it means that I am definately going in the right direction.
Saturday was quite a good day looking back, I managed to find enough energy to clean upstairs and change the sheets in the morning, now this is more like me, getting up and just getting on with things.
I had to laugh also as my sons girlfriend texted me about her cooking steak for us all for tea which was fine, only thing was, I had to do the shopping and get everything in, never mind, at least I didnt have to cook (or so I thought), ended up showing her how to use my potato peeler and cut potatoes, in the end we agreed that she would do the mash and I would cook the steak, and what a nice meal it was after our joint effort. Why am I telling you this? Because a few weeks ago it would have been virtually impossible for me to do all this ion one day and chat away and laugh at the same time. So as you see, and I am saying this to myself so that I will finally believe it, things are getting better and the good times are appearing more and more .